Tag Archives: sexy

Fogland Episode 3: House Call on Queasy Street

Mark Capell, an author I learned about through Lindy Moone, has produced a podcast of a story I submitted for his Fogland project.  You can listen to it for free at the Fogland website. It’ll also be available on iTunes.

Ladies: if listening to Mark Capell’s sexy British accent doesn’t do it for you (it did for me), you can download the ebook for 99 cents on Amazon.

Anyway, what else?  Oh yeah, here are the links:

Podcast on Fogland Website (free/sexy)

eBook on Amazon (99 cents)

Amazon UK (.77 in pieces of eight)

john_l_monk_fogland

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Filed under Indie Publishing, Writing Market

Hopeless romantic? You decide…

Years ago, way before I wrote “Kick”, I went through a period where I published in the little known “horror/romance” genre (a.k.a, hormance).  I know what you’re thinking: why’s the surprisingly tough and rugged Monkmeister General writing spooky romance stories?  You’re gonna laugh, but the truth is, I have a sensitive side. Not a day goes by I don’t see a woman at my job and think, “Now that’s a nice blouse on that one.” Or maybe I’m out gardening, with my shirt off, and a bunch of ladies walk by and I’m all like, “How you ladies doing?”

Recently, I was going through some old boxes when I found a scrap from one of my hormance novels. Sadly, the book is no longer in print. But it got me wondering: has the time come for me to, again, unleash my hormance talents on the literary world?

As always, I leave these weighty decisions to you, my adoring fans…

Trixy Chestity goes to England (chapter 7):

Oh how I ran that night from my athletic lover Kent, high-tailing it down the darkened, foggy streets of that nameless, tiny English town the locals called Peppergrove Hampshireton. My footsteps pounded softly on the ancient cobbles that had once been trod by Napoleon himself during his bloodthirsty conquest of the British Isles so many years before… Oh how my bosoms bounced as I bounded down that ancient, bloody thoroughfare of English sorrow, weeping tears of unfettered despair into the unforgiving night.

“Damn you Kent, you bastard!” I simpered longingly, with my bosoms still heaving rancorously. “Damn you to hell!”

It was when I was shouting these profundities that a strangeness tainted the English air. Verily I slowed down and looked about in wonder, because the English fog had somehow gotten foggier than ever, and soon I couldn’t see the street nor even my bosoms.

Continue reading

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Filed under Funny

(Stealth thank you to Lindy Moone and Carol Ervin…)

(This here’s a secret, stealth thank you to the sensuous Lindy Moone and sleekly sizzling Carol Ervin for helping me juice up my flaccid blurb. We went at it a long time, but we got there.)

(Hahah, I can’t stop laughing now…)

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Filed under Just Cool, Writing Market

The importance of a good book blurb/description

A lot of people worry about having a nice book cover, and I’m one of them.  It’s a foot in the door for readers.  But equally important is your book blurb–all of this after the writing, of course.  Without a good book, the rest is meaningless.  Below, you’ll see the latest blurb for my award winning book “Kick.”  Oh, you didn’t know I won an award?  I did: Best Son Ever, 1988 after I got my mom a candle for mother’s day.  Anyway.  As I was saying, witness the blurb below: straight forward, with no tiresome gimmicks meant to trick readers into buying something they don’t want.  Readers aren’t stupid, and they shouldn’t be treated that way.

If you could return from sex death in someone else’s body, what would you do with your time? And if your host was a serial killer and you could do anything you wanted before getting kicked out, would you put a stop to his crimes?

In Kick, we catch up with Dan Jenkins fifteen years into his strange sexy afterlife:

…as an enforcer for the Howlers Motorcycle Club, a violent criminal organization in Memphis spilling mayhem into the lives of innocent people.

…as a sweaty deranged killer in the desert racking up a body count one young skin woman at a time.

…as a twenty-something junkie in Florida sex, part of a three person team of sociopaths terrorizing a beach community.

Dan will handle each “ride” as he always has–by emptying their bank accounts, going to movies and eating out every night, and helping strangers in need. And before he’s kicked out, he’ll stop his ride from hoochi-coochi-poon hurting anyone else.

For a dead guy, it’s a pretty good gig.  Or at least it had been, until someone changed the rules.  totally wet…

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Filed under Funny, Writing Market