Things I actually believed when I was a kid…

When I was a kid, Uri Geller’s prime time appeal was just winding down, but I caught the tail end of it and believed humans could move objects with their minds if they reeeeeeally tried.Β  Then along comes Star Wars and other movies, and so I check in from time to time to see if the gift has somehow blossomed within me.Β  And I’m sure I look silly when, even today, I occasionally try to zap a coffee mug across a table πŸ™‚

Other things I actually believed when I was a kid:

  1. the earth was hollow and we stuck to the insides when it spun, through centripetal force.
  2. if someone shot a gun at the sun they’d destroy the world (because it’d get too cold).
  3. ninjas could only be killed by other ninjas.
  4. if it rained while the sun was out, the “devil was beating his wife.”
  5. that if you said “bloody marry” 100 times in front of a mirror, at midnight, you’d get killed by a ghost (or something).
  6. Satanic cults were everywhere, just waiting to sacrifice me…
  7. the word “stupid” was a cuss word.
  8. one time someone squirted my head with a squirt bottle, which I thought was fertilizer, and I started crying. I thought I’d turn into a plant.
  9. if you had a large enough piece of paper, you could use it to make a paper airplane large enough to carry one or two people.
  10. if you wanted a crayfish to be your friend, you had to show it you trusted it not to pinch you when you stuck your finger in its claw (yeah, my “friend” tricked me with that).
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16 Comments

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16 responses to “Things I actually believed when I was a kid…

  1. I thought white meat chicken came from under the bark of the “peely paper birches”, and that they called potato bugs potato bugs because they tasted like potatoes — and I nearly died crying when I stepped on a crack, thinking that I’d broken my mother’s back.

    (Interesting that you should post this now, since my “troll” story is based on a childhood misconception.)

  2. Funny stuff Lindy πŸ™‚ And I think you and I have some kind of weird ESP thing going on. There’s tons of stuff you mention in Hyperlink from Hell that kinda/sorta gets mentioned in Kick.

    Cheerio

  3. Johanna Rae

    I loved this entry. Isn’t it funny how the mind of a child is so open and willing to accept the wildest of theories with barely plausible explanations…

    Long before Toy Story I firmly believed the toys came alive at night. I always strived to leave dolls dressed and in comfortable positions so it wasn’t humiliating and difficult to stay still. I also left the lid of my toybox open in case they needed to climb out. I did however, keep my closet door tightly closed, just in case anyone from Narnia tried to kidnap me in the middle of the night.

    Someone told me once that if you ate a hundred apples, God took that as a sign you wanted to have a baby. I refused to eat apples.for the longest time because , well, six was just too young for that sort of thing.

  4. Johanna, that’s hilarious! I love your examples πŸ™‚

  5. I’m gonna go eat 100 apples!

  6. my little brother thought babies came from women’s left armpits.

  7. Johanna Rae

    Haha if it were that easy, right John? And the armpit comment made me giggle. Apologies for any typos, I’m on my phone.

  8. You’re all mad, you know…but great fun πŸ™‚

  9. I love it…especially the last one – ‘happy 2013th everyone!’..

  10. Repeat after me, in Sybil Fawlty’s voice: ‘I KNOW!’

    There’s just so much to love. Like, people interpreting ‘the world’ to mean ‘America’ — and then being so sweet and wishing it a happy birthday!

    There’s an American expression used mostly in the South: ‘Bless his heart.’ I believe it is interpreted to mean: ‘He is as dumb as a post, and there’d better be an angel looking after him.’ It was used a lot during the Bush administration.

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